I have reached the 6 month mark, woohoo! If there is one thing I have learnt to accept, it's that I will never reach a point of "finally getting it" where motherhood and parenting fall into perfect place. Everyday is different, presenting new challenges and new joys. For me, going with the flow and riding the rollercoaster is the only way!
I like to call them 'thrive' days or 'survive' days. People told me "the first 3 months is all about survival". I can honestly say beyond 3 months I have had countless days where I still feel like I'm just surviving. Other days I feel like I'm thriving! It's a constant mental battle, but I try really hard to be kind to myself and know that it's ok for some days to just make it through. These thrive and survive days are so interchangeable and so unpredictable it certainly keeps life interesting. 🙃
I have really grown to love breastfeeding. I'm so attached to it now the thought of stopping makes me cry! I still have ongoing issues with it - it feels like I'm battling clogged ducts on a weekly basis and have a returning nasty milk bleb, aka a blocked nipple pore that keeps coming back - OUCH! I'm also one of those Mums who only feeds off one side (not my choice, Björn's!) so my left boob is probably 3 times bigger than my right! Aside from these issues, breastfeeding has become easier and I am way more confident doing it in public. I even breastfeed on the train which is something I never thought I'd be able to do. 🤣
6 months in - does Björn sleep through the night? Hell.no. Has he ever? Nope. Will he ever? I bloody hope so! But for now, it is what it is... I'm up feeding him around 3 times a night. In between those feeds I'm constantly peeking into the bassinet to check if he's ok since he's taken a liking to rolling around, babbling or waving his dummy in the air 🙈. Sometimes he decides 4am his time to rise and shine 😩. Co sleeping is something I never felt comfortable doing in the beginning but this past month I have given in because lord knows how else I would have achieved some shut eye. So sleep deprivation is REAL. I am struggling, but I am surviving.
I think my mental health is pretty good. I certainly struggle on and off with anxiety, mainly around car rides (I just cannot handle hearing Björn cry and not being able to comfort him), leaving him even for a few hours, and the sleepless nights. I also get intrusive thoughts surrounding his safety quite often - but I try to recognise them and let them pass through my mind knowing it's my brain's way of recognising potential hazards. I also struggle some days being alone just me and him in the house. But I am really lucky to have an array of people to reach out to ♥️
6 months in - I still honestly adore being a Mum. I certainly have my moments and some days feel defeated, but overall I feel so incredibly lucky and am completely obsessed with my baby! 😝